Hello! I sit here today with some news. The news is that I have only one week left of being 22 years old. I feel so strange. My mind has become a magnifying glass thrusting my thoughts to explode into thinking “What did I accomplish in this twenty-second year of my life? What happened?!” So, thinking about it all, I’ve realized that this year held many major events that have accelerated my growth into someone similar but new and improved.

This past year I went to France and England. I visited 2 states I had never been to before (Oregon and Indiana), I had my heart ripped apart, I put it back together, I lost a childhood friendship, I gained incredible new friends, I found out the partner in my relationship was not as honest with me as I hoped, I broke my heart again, then I fixed it once more, now I have the most honest relationship on the planet, and finally, I moved to China.

 I feel like all of these things came together so smoothly. If I step away and look at it, and remember the emotions involved, the ones I cannot convey in writing, it just seems so perfect. Everything has led me to this, to my eve of twenty-three. Being twenty-three is something I’ve looked forward to for a long time. I have always loved and admired the singer Tristan Prettyman, and I’ve been a super fan for probably 10 years now. Her first LP, called “T w e n t y t h r e e ” turned me on to the 23 enigma. Something TP is really into. So being 13 and thinking she was the tops, I got into it also. Long story short, turning 23 is exciting. I’ve always felt like it’s an age where things can happen. And as I’m drawing nearer and nearer to it, I feel the gears turning, starting to spin. I know that this year is poised to be the Best. One. Yet.

 My goal for the month (which I started on May 31^st) is to do about 3 hours of music practice and vocal exercise everyday. Followed by exercise. I want to go into 23 knowing that I am at my very best. It probably sounds strange that I don’t already practice music that much or take care of my voice that much, but truthfully, for many years I was not clear on my path. I kept doubting myself and being so afraid of music, that I just hardly even did it. Now, I have a fire and a forming vision and I’m ready to give it all I’ve got. But I can’t do that unless I am a force. I must be my best version of my music. So, so far so good. Three days in and I’m playing so much music, my voice is ALREADY stronger, and I’m feeling great. I’m so excited for every thing and I cannot wait to be 23.  This is the year that I take some control away from myself and believe that the universe is not full of some, but infinite possibilities. This is the year that I’m taking responsibility and not focusing my downfalls on other people. My life is the one that I create and I’m going to make the best 23 that can ever be for me.

 So here I am, twenty-two years old, figuring it out but finding out that it’s not so hard after all. Happy birthday Geminis! It’s our time now J

 “Well I am almost twenty-three, confused by all the lines in between, they are dying to be read, softly spoken simply said. So tell me do you believe in the girl that is me? With her feet to your feet, well that’s all that I need….it’s as simple as it should be” - Tristan Prettyman // Simple as it Should Be 

love!

-l

(Source: the-life-of-crazy-girl, via redreaper)

after living in China for nearly 3 months this is all I think about. AKA REAL FOOD!!!!

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fringed leggings hello

This post is not going to be about life in China, but rather just about life. Lately I have felt more and more ready for the things I want. I feel like I’m so certain of it that I can finally attain the things I dream. And speaking of dreams, I’ve been having so many about my desires coming true, that I’ll actually dream-say “Wow, it’s really happening!”. I’m so excited. A couple weeks ago I sat down and wrote a specific life that I really want to live. I created myself as the person I want to be, by saying I already am that person. My profession, my successes, and my legacy. I think doing simple exercises like that really reprograms your brain. It gets you out of the thinking-mode “if only I could have that, but I don’t” and gets you thinking “I already have everything I want!” What a difference right? In one of the dreams I had, a shooting star streaked across a black sky and I took the opportunity to wish on it, for exactly what I wanted. And then a rainbow appeared. It was such a great memory to wake up with. I’ve been trying really hard to work on myself and just be grateful I’m alive. I feel like I take a lot of things for granted and always feel unsatisfied, but the life I’ve been given is already such a thing. I’m also writing a new song that I’m SO happy with. I haven’t felt this good about a work of art in a while. It’s a song that actually says something, that I think people will relate to. It’s exactly where I’m going, and where I am. 

Anyway, I just needed to get this out and make it more real. My dreams come true. Do yours? Do you think about the lack of what you have, or the abundance? 

Hoping you are well

~lindsay

blackswanyoga:

Enjoy the journey

(Source: peculiarpulchritudes)

I think I’m about to eat a lot of candy. Like a lot. Score one for PMS.

ps I hope you’re day is beautiful and bright and full of good thoughts :D

namaste.

me, today. many faces. 

It’s just one day shy of 2 months since I moved to China. On March 14, 2 months back from today, I went out with my mom to The Olive Garden. The first time I ever went to Olive Garden was this past year and I died. Bread (just basically any type of hot bread product) is my favorite food. And endless, hot, garlic breadsticks?! Are you kidding me?? So I told my mom for my goodbye dinner, I’d like Olive Garden. My mom gave me a sweet card saying she was so proud of me to go on this adventure and then I started crying right there in our booth. I was so terrified. I don’t think I’ve ever been more scared in my life. The next morning I woke up at 4 am because I couldn’t sleep. I had to go to the airport and embark on a 21 hour journey to Shanghai ALONE. I’m just not really someone that does stuff like that, so I almost peed myself like 5 times. It was so hard to say goodbye to my mom. She waited for almost 20 minutes as I walked through security and every 10 seconds or so we waved to each other, crying. And then I went through the threshold, into adulthood, into aloneness. 

I get very homesick in China. Homesick a lot. The culture shock has worn off, but it doesn’t mean I’m comfortable with all facets of life here. It’s just the opposite of everything I know from my Western world. The thing I am most “sick” of is the food. While the food is SO good, it also gets underwhelming. Noodles and rice are not very “hearty”, and the Chinese prefer more fatty, small cuts of meat. It’s hard to get really full for me. There are not really any desserts or sweets here, and chocolate? Forget about it. I’m really just dying to eat pizza, have a corona, and then make brownies, and eat all the batter. 

I miss my old lifestyle. I miss my dog, and my best friends. I really miss my mom. But I also thank China for making me grow more than I ever have. I feel more clear out here, away from all the noise (or maybe complacency) of my daily “normal” life. I know what I want more. I feel it screaming in my bones, and I know I have a purpose. I can’t believe I’ve only been here 2 months, it sounds so short. But it feels so long. Since being here I’ve been put through some heart-wrenching emotional and just plain weird experiences. It’s like once you open up to life everything magnifies and gets so wild. 

Driving back on a bus trip a couple of weekends ago, I saw a fatal accident. One that had not been cleared away. I have never in my life seen something like that. The image of that scene stayed with me for days, making it hard to sleep. I think the most horrid thing about it was that every one else on the road was so interested they blocked the ambulance from aiding the injured. The cars were so jammed that they turned 2 lanes into 4. About 2 miles back, the ambulance was stuck, just sitting with its lights on while people all around were standing on top of the cars to glimpse the horror. I will never forget watching a nurse in a pink dress and hat sprinting through the parked cars, to save someone that no longer needed it. 

Things like that, and many other strange things have happened here. Every day is an adventure. I really want to come home sometimes and be “normal” but I also can’t imagine coming home at all. 

Wherever you are on our planet, I hope it’s rad. And if I know you, and you’re reading this: I miss you.

love, 

Lindsay.